Conditioning … and he comes running

But why am I writing this, it has nothing to do with you. Or do you also come running when someone touches your food bowl? Or throws a stick?

Nooooo! Not you! Not ever!

You are a self-responsible and consciously thinking person and, above all, you are already so far along in your development … but the topic suddenly becomes exciting anyway. Let’s take a look there.

In psychology, conditioning refers to the learning process by which a behavior is influenced by repeated associations with certain stimuli. So the dog associates the noise that the bowl makes with “now there’s food” and he comes running.

There are two main forms

Classical conditioning” (described by Ivan Pavlov) occurs when an originally neutral stimulus (e.g. a bell or the rattling of a bowl) is coupled with an unconditioned stimulus (e.g. food) so that it ultimately triggers a conditioned response (e.g. dog comes running).

Operant conditioning” (B. F. Skinner) describes learning through consequences. Behavior is encouraged by reinforcement, i.e. reward, or inhibited by punishment.

So much for brevity and superficiality. Knowing point two, we can probably all agree that we too have experienced countless conditioning in our lives.

Education and society

The whole subject of “education” basically consists of us being “taught” what we should and shouldn’t do and what happens if we don’t stick to it. In other words, operant conditioning.

We are taught from an early age how we must behave in order to be recognized (reward) or rejected (punishment) by society. Much of this is even good and correct, but there are certainly behaviors that would be very harmful for us and our environment or would certainly not lead to a good result.

But much of this turns out to be a hindrance later in life. Because we have learned outdated ways of behaving or some of it is based on irrational fears or assumptions or simply does not suit our personality.

Not everything that our parents aspired to or had to aspire to is suitable for us in our time. Not everything that would have led our parents to ruin is still harmful for us. We are only too happy to get rid of some of these conditionings because they are of no use to us or hold us back.

Normally this is not a problem, as we (unlike animals) can consciously question what we do and change our behavior.

The devil in the detail

Aaaaabut … the devil is in the detail. There are conditionings – and these are often very strong ones – that don’t come from our upbringing or our interaction with society. They go deeper.

Conditioning is passed on over an insane number of generations. Not only from parents to children, sometimes they skip a few generations or develop a life of their own over time.

And completely unconsciously. You are already born with them, no chance of recognizing this from your position, from your incarnation.

And then you work on yourself, pull yourself out of the mess, so to speak… at some point you think you’ve finally done everything. Only to suddenly find yourself right back where you started. Because although you have resolved everything that has arisen for you in this life, you have never seen this issue that has been dragging along your ancestral line for twelve generations.

Because you can’t see it at all. Not even IF you can see it. And certainly not with “everyone’s methods” from the self-help book or the NLP basic course.

Example

Lena, 38, in a “toxic relationship”. The name is made up, the story behind it is not.

Lena has been working on herself a lot for a very long time, therapies, coaching sessions etc. and she has already come a long way.

But the thing about her partnership that she can’t get out of is a mystery. Whenever she thinks she has made the leap, something happens on the outside that ruins her plans.

There is this financial dependency that she just can’t get out of. She is building up her own business and it is running well. She doesn’t earn too badly, isn’t even tied to a particular location and can live and work how and where she wants. But that only works up to a certain point and then it comes to a standstill or she is thrown back.

It’s never really her fault. You would normally call something like that a “stroke of fate”. She only ever gets to a certain point and then it feels like she has to go back to the beginning.

She falls ill, she faces unplanned expenses or legal difficulties, and so on. Then there are the emotional shackles that keep subtly preventing her from finally letting go completely. Her partner is also good at this. He doesn’t seem to have to do anything, one look is enough and she’s back to being the helpless little girl she’s always been. No matter how much she works on herself and how aware she is of it all.

She doesn’t know what else to do. Parental issues, conditioning, beliefs, everything has already been dealt with umpteen times. Therapies, coaching, books, nothing really helps in the long term. Every time she thinks she’s finally done it, she has a setback.

The causes were really deep and she never thought that she would have to go there or that she would get there.

We have gone back tens of generations in our work together, all of which is no longer visible today and no longer tangible with the mind.

A mixture that all too often develops a life of its own and comes through again and again, no matter what you do, no matter how you work on yourself, no matter how “far” you are already. A form of conditioning that has been subtly “fermenting” in the background for so long that it can no longer be recognized as such without outside help.

It took Lena a long time to overcome her pride and come to me for help. But once the issue has been resolved at grassroots level, everything else suddenly works sustainably.

Example 2

Bernd, 58, career man (name also invented, story not)

Bernd has everything you can possibly achieve. He grew up in a loving, solid family home, already upper middle class at the time. He went straight through school and university without too much trouble, was successful in sport, had lots of friends and was always healthy and fit.

Landed in the Group and had a picture-book career there. Married, two grown-up sons with whom he gets on well. But now he’s retired. Retirement. Actually the dream of many people. To retire at 58 as a wealthy person and enjoy life.

But Bernd is really struggling with it. He can’t get out of the hamster wheel. It’s almost like he’s running out of things to do. But he has the means to keep himself busy.

He even has a sailing boat. He can afford to travel the world. To finally do everything he has always dreamed of. And he does it. But not only does it not fulfill him, it really gets him down. To the point of depression and generally poor health. Something he had never experienced before.

Therapies and everything else he has tried have helped him to deal with it. But there is something else. He can feel it. Something is wrong. Something is burning in him, something wants to get out, he can’t “just” enjoy his life.

His father was like that too. He was self-employed and worked into old age. Knew nothing else. His grandfather did too. And further back, too. And that’s when the cause slowly came into view.

The whole ancestral line is a series of “builders”. People who brought their energy into the world by building something. Exclusively. With all the consequences. Most of them toiled until they had literally worked themselves to death. Some had to do that to survive, but Bernd didn’t have to.

But this age-old pattern won’t let him go. Because it’s not tangible. Because it wasn’t even clear that there was such a pattern. Until we specifically looked for it. THEN we were able to solve it.

Now he is out of this constraint. Still very active, but now in terms of leisure activities. The sailing boat is now actually being used and with a relaxed joy that was previously completely unknown to Bernd.

The path to a solution

Yes, “the way” to the solution. No one can give you a solution or solve anything for you. But you can find a solution if you finally want to get out of this time loop of repetitive actions and reactions.

For this you need someone who can go to the level of energy, the level behind matter. Someone who can see your ancestral line and its issues from the outside, so to speak, and take you there. And THEN you can also resolve these issues. Because what you can see, you can also change.

I am someone who does this for a living. But even I can’t tell you in advance what exactly this path will look like (people often ask me that). I have the ability to see what we need to do, I have a toolbox that helps us both to make this path possible for you. But you will find out what the path looks like for you when you walk it.

Even if you can’t see how you’re ever going to manage it. Even if you can’t yet see where the problem is actually supposed to be. But you can feel that there is a problem!

Sometimes you have to overcome a good dose of pride (after all, I’m already so far along / I’ve run a whole company / I’m a coach myself and already know everything) and also the fear that comes with it. But not doing it is much more exhausting in the long run than jumping over your own shadow and going for it.

What are you waiting for? Here we go … https://www.gerhard-zirkel.com/dein-einstieg/