The Brain vs the Heart
In this article, I would like to shed light on a topic that is a constant source of discussion and downright struggle, not only in the “spiritual scene” but also in professional and business life.
Namely, the differences between so-called head people and emotional people.
First of all: What I am about to write is not meant to be an evaluation of who is better or worse. Both are equally good and both have their justification. My aim is to find a solution to the dilemma that the two don’t seem to fit together very well.
Because they make their decisions in different ways. Because they seem to approach life’s challenges so completely differently.
The head person
Makes a decision based on information he has researched. He compares prices, aspects, qualities, sizes and availability. He makes pro and con lists, Excel tables and comparisons.
He reads reviews, tests extensively and keeps an eye on the finances. He has an analytical rational explanation for everything he does. If you ask him why he does something, he will be able to explain it to you exactly.
He can tell you why he bought what he bought. He can calculate, analyze and think everything through before he acts. He is a big fan of studies, statistics and provable facts.
The emotional person
Makes his decisions “from the gut”. If he wants to buy something, he feels if it is good for him and then he does it. If you ask him why, this question will alienate him. He will not understand why you are asking him that and if he does, he will tell you that he just wanted the thing.
He is not interested in evaluations from other people or references because he can’t do anything with them. He doesn’t plan his future, because he knows that he only has to follow the energy. He trusts the universe and himself and goes his way, wherever it may lead him.
He sometimes knows things without being able to explain why and from where.
Basically, as I said at the beginning, this is not a judgment. There are two types of behavior patterns and both have their justification. Neither is better or worse than the other, even if misunderstandings and even arguments can sometimes arise between people of the two patterns.
Especially in relationships, private as well as professional, it can be difficult when one is more of a head person and the other is more of an emotional person.
Head people are often called hard and unfair by emotional people, or unconscious or even destructive. And emotional people like to be called soft-hearted idiots because they can’t explain why they do what they do.
Many, many years ago I saw an example in a TV documentary that clicked with me and that I still remember today. It was one of those ostensibly real documentaries about a couple who wanted to buy a property.
Whether the plot was real or fake, the problem was: he chose houses in each case, according to location, number of rooms, equipment, technology, condition, possibilities of financing and so on. A head man through and through, with exact ideas of what was needed and how the house had to be designed in order to be able to realise the future family planning.
I’m sure he did a very good job, but during the viewing, all his wife repeatedly said was: “I don’t feel comfortable here”. That nearly drove him out of his mind. He kept asking her why she didn’t feel comfortable, what was wrong and what could be done. She must be able to explain why, he said, sounding a bit helpless.
He really tried hard, and wanted to buy the perfect house for her. He really wanted to know what would have to be different. Only, she couldn’t tell him. Not in a way that he would have understood.
Because whether an emotional person feels good or not cannot be broken down into arguments. He either feels good or he doesn’t. The only thing that helps is to keep searching until it fits. She didn’t understand why he got angry at some point. And he didn’t understand what he was doing “wrong”.
They both obviously didn’t know about the difference in their approaches.
This time from my business environment. There are a lot of colleagues who collect heaps of references from their clients on their pages. And who show a bunch of facts, publish statements from clients and also success stories.
Because they are the kind of people who form an opinion based on references, facts, evaluations and analyses. They assume that their customers do the same and act accordingly.
Then there are the others, to which I also belong. I don’t give a damn about ratings and references. Or announcements and promises. When I hire someone for something, I feel them out and then I know whether they are good for me or not. And that’s what makes most of my clients tick.
Both approaches work and both are good. If you know who you are.
And that’s where the problem often lies. We are sometimes not aware that this difference exists and how to deal with it. It’s not unusual that we don’t even know exactly which type we are ourselves.
Because of course the boundaries are fluid. An emotional person can also process arguments and make rational decisions, and of course a head person can also tell whether he or she feels good or not. A feeling person can also come on the basis of a recommendation or because he has read a reference.
But often enough these boundaries are blurred or shifted by our social conditioning. Unfortunately, it often happens to emotional people that they are forced to use “hard” arguments already in kindergarten and school instead of relying on their feelings.
One often experiences this with children. “I don’t like to go there”. “But why don’t you like to go there?”. “I don’t know, I don’t like to go there”. “But you must be able to tell me why. It’s nice there” … and at some point the child gives up. At some point it suppresses its feeling and if it doesn’t find hard arguments instead, it gives up its own will. A head child will find arguments, a feeling child dies inside.
And then at some point you grow up and you keep the pattern. Either you do what you are told even though your feelings scream the opposite. Or you follow your feelings, but invest an incredible amount of energy in the apparent justification by facts. Because you no longer dare to stand by your feelings, you argue until you are understood. Or maybe not.
That’s not so rare, just ask a man who drives a luxurious car why he drives this car. Very few will say directly that they think it’s cool because it feels good. Most will say something about mass, crumple zone and safety, with value stability, load volume, leasing rates and so on.
And that includes those who are actually emotional people. Sure, all important arguments, but they usually bought the car because it’s cool. They just don’t admit it.
So what do they do?
It is very important that you know who you are! Yes, exactly, so banal. But it’s not that banal at all, because our true being has been superimposed since birth and even much longer through our ancestral line. There are many layers of learned patterns on top of it. They all have to be processed so that you can arrive at yourself.
But that has advantages. Because if you know who you are, you can act consciously and on your own initiative. If you are an emotional person, you can still camouflage your feelings with arguments if necessary. But then you do it consciously and not unconsciously.
And if you are a head person, you can also feel or follow your partner’s feeling without losing control over your life. You can then combine both and do it consciously!
If the couple from the example above had known who they were, there would have been no argument. They both would have been able to combine his analytical skills with her feelings without getting angry because of mutual incomprehension.
Especially in business, it is extremely important to know yourself and also to know that other people may approach a matter differently. This is especially important for entrepreneurs and managers. But also for employees.
Just because an employee cannot explain his actions with facts, his decisions are not necessarily wrong. They may just make them differently than expected. You can use this and you can even combine rational and emotional people in a targeted way.
But when people deny themselves because they don’t know who they are, or don’t dare to be who they are, an incredible amount of energy is lost.
How I can help
A lot of my work is about helping people find out who they are. Showing people ways to dissolve all these overlays of conditioning, ancestral influences etc.
You will be amazed at how much life energy you suddenly have, how much you can suddenly achieve, when this fight against yourself and the rest of the world is no longer necessary. When you can suddenly stand up for yourself and your truth in a relaxed way.
Don’t wait any longer, tackle the subject. We always start with an introductory session, then we see what your path can look like and then we walk it together.
PS: What I don't mean
The type of person I definitely don’t mean by “emotional person” here – and this is important, because it often leads to big misunderstandings – is the type of “professional victim” who sees his feelings hurt and his life cheated by half the world because everyone is so cruel and evil. Because the partner is such a narcissist and the boss is such a capitalist and everyone is not kind to animals …
THOSE are people who find themselves in the victim role. By the way, they also exist among the head people who like to get involved in political discussions at the regulars’ table. There are ways out of it, but I’d be happy to write a separate article on that.