{"id":3150,"date":"2024-10-07T07:34:02","date_gmt":"2024-10-07T07:34:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gerhard-zirkel.com\/players-and-builders\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T11:05:05","modified_gmt":"2024-10-07T11:05:05","slug":"players-and-builders","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gerhard-zirkel.com\/en\/players-and-builders\/","title":{"rendered":"Players and Builders"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Players and Builders<\/h1>\n
This article is about two groups of people. Certainly a very simplified description, but important. Because the encounter between these two groups often leads to misunderstandings and pain. And this is not just because these groups are so fundamentally different, but because it can be difficult to understand where the problem actually lies. <\/div>\n <\/div>\n
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\n \"Gerhard <\/div>\n
Gerhard Zirkel<\/div>\n <\/div>\n
\n \n 07.10.2024 <\/span>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n<\/header>\n\n
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Especially when you’re in the middle of it, in the field of tension<\/a> between the two groups.\nIt’s about the “players” and the “builders”.\nYou may already be nodding in agreement or you may have a big question mark over your head.\nI’ll try an example first, then it will become clearer what I mean. <\/p>\n\n

In kindergarten – an example<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Imagine a group of children in kindergarten and a pile of building blocks<\/a>.\nHuge chaos, great fun, everyone starts doing something.\nEven if it seems that way at first glance, not all children play with these building blocks in the same way. <\/p>\n\n

I\u2019m not talking about individual differences in behavior; of course, each child plays a little differently than the others. No, there are, roughly speaking, two groups of children who interact very differently with the blocks and with each other. <\/p>\n\n

And these two groups aren\u2019t always compatible, which often leads to tears and, in extreme cases, deep frustration. The “Players” and the “Builders.” There\u2019s no judgment here\u2014both are good, but both need to be understood. <\/p>\n\n

Most of the children will probably be the “Players.” They play with the blocks and whatever else is available. They build something together, giggle, chatter, and incorporate their dolls or toy cars into the game. <\/p>\n\n

In between, they may throw the blocks around, wrestle a bit, sing, laugh, and then return to the other kids and the blocks. They\u2019re clearly having a lot of fun. They might argue sometimes but have fun again shortly after. It\u2019s all about the group, open to anyone who wants to join. <\/p>\n\n

The classic definition of fun is the priority here. There\u2019s no “higher goal” \u2013 it\u2019s all about enjoying the moment. The Players live in the here and now, relishing life. They\u2019re often in a good mood, laugh, and love being surrounded by other kids. They constantly come up with new ideas and are always active. <\/p>\n\n

They also have a magnetic pull on other kids because they\u2019re fun to be around, and they\u2019re usually kind-hearted people. <\/p>\n\n

Then there are the Builders. They seem to have less fun, appearing more serious. They are alone or in very small, closed-off groups. Sometimes it seems like they\u2019re not even participating, just sitting there, watching, observing. And\u2014this is crucial to understand\u2014they\u2019re not playing, they\u2019re building. That\u2019s a key difference. You can play with blocks, or you can build with them. <\/p>\n\n

They have a plan, and they execute it. Not a plan like an architect, after all, they\u2019re still little kids. <\/p>\n\n

But maybe they\u2019ve decided to build a big tower, and so they build a big tower. Often alone because the plan is in their head. Only in their head. Sometimes these kids live more in their heads than in the “real” world. But not always. They build their thing, stick to it, and end up with a tower. Not infrequently, the tallest one the kindergarten has ever seen. <\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s not about having a tower for them; it\u2019s about building one. Not playing, building. Creating. Purposeful. Often alone, because when a Builder has a plan, their whole life energy is focused on making that plan a reality. Exactly as it exists in their head. <\/p>\n\n

Builders often come across as distant, sometimes strange. Or even arrogant. They don\u2019t want anyone to “play” with them. Maybe they\u2019ll allow someone to help build, but definitely not to play. And that\u2019s where the big problems begin. <\/p>\n\n

Both can exist in a kindergarten\u2014Players or Builders, or rather, Players AND Builders. And that\u2019s where the clashes happen. Because they don\u2019t understand each other. They\u2019re children in kindergarten, and children at that age don\u2019t “understand” other kids\u2019 behavior. It\u2019s due to their age. That\u2019s where adults need to step in to mediate. But first, adults need to understand what\u2019s going on. <\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s not uncommon for a Player, in their burst of energy, to knock over a Builder\u2019s tower. Or something might fly through the air and destroy their creation, either before it\u2019s finished or after. Or the Player just wants to join in the fun. But the Builder rudely rejects them, which the Player can\u2019t understand. They want fun, they want friends, they want to play. Why are they causing trouble? They don\u2019t get it. Why can\u2019t they laugh when the tower comes crashing down? It\u2019s not that big of a deal. <\/p>\n\n

And that\u2019s when the trouble starts.<\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s just a silly tower made of blocks\u2014why is the Builder getting so upset? \u2026 well, objectively, maybe it is. But what if, in that moment, the tower is the Builder\u2019s entire world? What if that Builder has put all their life energy into this one project? What if the plan, the goal, is their whole life right now? And the Player not only destroys it but laughs about it? <\/p>\n\n

A Player will never understand that. They\u2019re here, there, and somewhere else the next second, always living in the moment. Not in the future, and certainly not in a plan. They won\u2019t understand why the Builder is crying so bitterly, why they withdraw, why they are sad and desperate. <\/p>\n\n

They\u2019ll see the Builder as “weird” for a second, and then their thoughts are already somewhere else. The Player CAN\u2019T understand. It\u2019s not in their nature. <\/p>\n\n

And Builders despair over never “belonging.” They despair that no one sees their effort, no one understands what they\u2019re doing and why. No one sees the sense in their actions. They become outsiders, standing outside while the party is inside. <\/p>\n\n

Now you might say, “well, kids are just different.” <\/p>\n\n

As adults<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

But it\u2019s not about a childlike behavior pattern that “grows out.” It\u2019s about fundamentally different approaches to the world. And depending on how pronounced they are, they can lead to significant problems later in life. <\/p>\n\n

Not all people exhibit such clear behavior patterns that they can be definitively classified. But some do. <\/p>\n\n

Problems arise when Players and Builders cross paths in the world, whether professionally, privately, or even politically, and are unaware of their core patterns. Many people don\u2019t even know that different core patterns exist. Who has the time in their action-packed life to think about something like that? Builders might, out of necessity. Players, less so. After all, they\u2019re busy with their party and many friends, and life is good for them. <\/p>\n\n

Players and builders in adult life<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Adults also have their building blocks. Of course, they\u2019re different, and they don\u2019t look like children\u2019s toys. But the principle remains the same. The distinction between these two groups is never entirely clear. <\/p>\n\n

Players can build things, and Builders can play. There are many hybrids who get along just fine. But there are also those who are more clearly defined, and they can clash like cats and dogs\u2014drawn to each other but repelling each other intensely. <\/p>\n\n

The builders<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Here we have the Builders, with a plan or several plans. They derive joy and satisfaction from implementing plans. Building something, creating and maintaining something. <\/p>\n\n

A builder enjoys building<\/a> a company.\nHe can sit in the office and work 16 hours a day.\nHe can build a house, he can save and invest<\/a>.\nHe can plan.\nHe can also plan a family or a relationship.\nBuild something. <\/p>\n\n

Sometimes too much, builders often live too much in the future<\/a>.\nBut they also see it through.\nEven if what they do seems banal to the observer.\nThey go through with it and then it works.\nMost of the time anyway.\nIf the others help build it or at least don’t stand in the way. <\/p>\n\n

The players<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

And there are the Players, who find joy in bouncing around, partying, and spreading good vibes. They also build things, but often not as purposefully. These are often people with lots of friends who love to enjoy life and have fun. <\/p>\n\n

They are the center of attention, don’t take life too seriously and trust that things will work out somehow<\/a>.\nThey don’t have a great deal of love for firm commitments, and they don’t like to worry about things like “old-age provision”.\nSomeone will pay, somehow it will work out. <\/p>\n\n

Building for the future is boring\u2014it\u2019s tedious, it\u2019s work. That doesn\u2019t mean they aren\u2019t successful. Just look at the world of artists or athletes\u2014there are many Players there. But they\u2019re all playing, not building. Often, they have a Builder by their side. Or Builders have Players by their side. THAT can be extremely successful. <\/p>\n\n

Understanding?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

The builders can’t understand the players, because why do they never build anything?\nWhy do they do so much at once and nothing right<\/a>?\nWhy don’t they stick to the task at hand?\nWhy do you always have to save them because they don’t think ahead themselves?\nWhy don’t they develop?\nThey must understand! <\/p>\n\n

A pure Builder can despair over these questions. Especially when it involves people close to them, like a partner or even their own children. Why doesn\u2019t this person see the seriousness of the situation? Why do they ignore all the good advice, why don\u2019t they build something for themselves? <\/p>\n\n

Why do they waste their time on nonsense, not using it purposefully? Builders always feel like they need to rescue the Players or at least push them through life. And they never get a thank you\u2014in fact, if things go badly, they just get ridiculed and end up standing alone. <\/p>\n\n

The players really don’t understand the seriousness of the builders. Why aren’t they having fun? They have to have fun sometimes, don’t they? Why do they always analyze everything? Why are they so determined? What’s the point? Does everything always work out anyway? Why is he angry again? I haven’t done anything. <\/p>\n\n

The Player won\u2019t put nearly as much energy into understanding the Builder as the Builder does in the other direction, because the Player has far more ways to operate in the world and evade issues. Players don\u2019t analyze; they laugh, mock, and then move on without looking back. <\/p>\n\n

This imbalance can lead to big problems. And to a lot of pain, usually for the Builders. They often feel like Players are toying with them. But Builders don\u2019t know how to play, and they almost always lose. <\/p>\n\n

The Players often have no idea why the Builder suddenly seems “weird.” Why they withdraw or turn into a malicious narcissist and start playing with people themselves. <\/p>\n\n

Spiritual builders<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

It gets even more complicated if a Builder has spiritual abilities, perceiving many levels, not just the material one. <\/p>\n\n

They are at risk of seeing the Player on every level of their life. And what they see isn\u2019t just the fun, good vibes, and play. No, they also perceive the pain behind it. The Builder perceives it, not the Player! The Player can\u2019t, and never will. <\/p>\n\n

If the builder<\/a> then reacts<\/a> to the level that the player doesn’t see at all, perhaps not in his entire life, he only reaps even more incomprehension and even more ridicule.<\/p>\n\n

The opportunities<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

They are two fundamentally different types of people and each of them is just right the way they are.\nNeither can be made to change their entire nature.\nA solution can therefore only consist of understanding<\/a> the “other side” and categorizing their actions. <\/p>\n\n

The problem and the pain are usually with the Builder, and if you\u2019ve read this far, you\u2019re probably a Builder. So the solution must come from YOU, the Builder. The Player doesn\u2019t see a problem, and they don\u2019t analyze. They do what they do best: play. <\/p>\n\n

The Builder is called upon to understand the issue. To understand the Player\u2019s nature, their own nature, and the problems that arise between them. And then to implement what they\u2019ve understood in daily life. <\/p>\n\n

Changing the way they deal with Players. Because they\u2019re not wrong\u2014they can even be included in the Builder\u2019s plan. Whenever good vibes are needed, or artistic expression. Or when people need to be inspired, brought together. <\/p>\n\n

Players are very good at that. But you can\u2019t put them in too tight of a corset and can\u2019t expect anything from them that they\u2019re not capable of. That may also mean letting go of people who, in their nature, don\u2019t fit with you at all. <\/p>\n\n

Whatever the solution looks like, it always begins with understanding the connections and understanding yourself. Those who know why they react the way they do can work on themselves and design their life so that the people in it work together. And everyone else can be removed. <\/p>\n\n

Feel free to ask me any questions: mail@gerhard-zirkel.com<\/a><\/p>\n\n

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